The power of detachment

Detachment is a powerful concept within both Buddhism and Christianity.

 
In essence, detachment means that you are not attached to, not dependent on, not clinging to external conditions. You are therefore able to see reality clearly, without the distortion that comes from relying on a certain outcome for your happiness.

 
There is an anecdote told by Zhuangzi (a Taoist master) that when an archer shoots for a small prize like a piece of earthenware, he is able to demonstrate all his skill. When he shoots for a better prize like a brass buckle, he becomes a little nervous. If he shoots for a prize of gold, he shoots as though he were blind!

All who attach importance to what is external show stupidity in themselves.
- Zhuangzi

 
This kind of example should be familiar to us all. When we attach importance to external conditions, those conditions gain control over us.

 
So the question is: what does your happiness rely on?

 
With experience we find that our happiness becomes less and less driven by immediate circumstances, or the outcomes of our actions. For example, after beginning a new career with enthusiasm, you begin to realise that having the right career does not bring complete happiness. Of course you still want to improve and progress within your chosen field, but it is by no means the most important thing in your life. You have learned detachment.

 
Another good example is in a relationship. At first you think that the relationship must be perfect, that everything must go smoothly, no disagreements or problems. But after a while you realise that the relationship continues and grows despite, or maybe because of all the problems you’ve faced together. You can become a little detached within your relationship, still enjoying it of course and wishing it to continue, but knowing deep down that it is not the ultimate cause of happiness.

 
So detachment means that you do not cling to your relationship or your career. You do not need to control them, because your happiness is independent. You see them clearly, and respond appropriately, because your life’s happiness does not depend upon them.

 
How do we reach this point of detachment? How do we find the stability and peace to enjoy things in life without coming to rely on them, covet them, and control them?

 
The answer is to become aware of the higher cause, the higher reality of which these elements are just a tiny component. This means becoming aware of the bigger picture, and seeing your life in that context. Seeing life in its true context allows you to cease clinging to the small, yet valuable pieces of happiness in our lives.

 
Your relationships are important, but they are only a limited and imperfect expression of true love. In other words, your relationships are a means of experiencing the greater reality of love in your life. Their value is not that they offer solace in an uncaring world; if that were true, it would be right to cling desperately to them. Instead, they are a vehicle of divine love and truth, which is the ultimate goal and meaning of all existence. A relationship based on love therefore takes on the highest significance when seen in the context of the divine. It changes from something personal and private, to something profound and transcendent.

 
Your career is the same. It may seem like a stroke of luck or good fortune that you find a job you enjoy; but in reality any job is a means of expressing your own creative power. You have the capacity and the mission to use your gifts, and this is the reality that comes before any particular job. Your work can therefore be seen as a means of exercising your true nature, and becoming the person you are meant to be.

 
In both these examples we go from the mundane to the divine, and in so doing, discover that the goodness we have experienced in our lives is not an accident, but merely a single imperfection expression of truth and love. This realisation is the ‘bigger picture’, the long view of life and reality, on which our happiness can depend. If you take the time to truly see this reality in your life, then you will cease to cling to the individual expressions of happiness, because you understand that in the long run, happiness is guaranteed.